What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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