Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
