What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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