take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
