i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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