Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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