i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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