Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
