I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
