Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
