Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
