I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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