When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
