Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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