If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
