They should really pass out barf bags in church
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
