Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
