If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
