Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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