bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
