Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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