dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
