I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
