allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
