Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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