Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
