but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
