ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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