I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
