So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this hospital has no fireball
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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