Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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