i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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