you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
