Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
