did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
