If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
