I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
