i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
