you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
