Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
