garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
