Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need moral support for this bender
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
