it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
