people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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