how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
