this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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