My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
