Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
