You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
