you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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