And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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