i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
